The new girl asked for scissors
How was I to know?
Someone reported a pool of blood
Coming from the bathroom stall
***
The American Psychological Association tells us more people self-injure than we think. The white teen female is the face of deliberate self-inflicted injury, but almost half of all cutters are male. Race, economic status, and culture are not factors in who will do violence to themselves. However, sexual orientation is. The most at-risk group is young, bisexual females.
***
Whispers spread that the principal
Climbed on top of the toilet
While the vice-principal went
Under the locked stall door
I overheard they were afraid she was dead
But when they said her name softly,
Cori*?
She said, yes.
***
Most self-harm is conducted by a sharp object, usually a knife, which is used to cut or carve the wrists, arms, stomach, or thighs. If a girl cuts around a private area, such as her breasts, she has likely experienced sexual trauma in the past.
***
Professional Development: Trauma-Informed Practices
Watch this documentary
Discuss with colleagues
Share your experience with a male student who cut
Talk about the vertical line tattoo he got
To cover the myriad of horizontal scars
On his left forearm
Try not to hate the teacher who says
He doesn’t know why another student cut
She seems to have a mother who loves her
Gently remind him
That she presented
As male when she first enrolled
That she has been in at least two
Abusive relationships at your school
That she cut into her breasts so deeply
On the bus one morning
When she confessed to the nurse
And showed her the wounds
She was rushed to the ER
Try really hard not to think he is
The worst teacher / man / human being
Remind yourself
For some people
The only way to deal with pain
Is to pretend it does not exist
***
There is a strong link between the tendency to self-harm and emotional dysregulation. Those who self-injure may lack coping skills or the ability to remove themselves from a negative emotional state. Because they are typically more prone to depression and destructive thoughts, self-harmers see breaking their skin as the only way to escape. Cutting gives them a feeling of control to combat their hopelessness.
***
She was at it again
I don’t know why my dad
Doesn’t move out
Take us with him
Let her keep the house
Drunk? High?
Is there really a difference with her?
She threw a lamp at me
Even though her aim is terrible
I ducked anyway
No use in letting her try her luck
We retreated to our separate corners
A pocket knife on my desk
I dig into my flesh
Poking and jabbing
Hoping to burrow the knife in
Until I hurt as much
As I imagine that lamp would have
If I would have
Let her hit me
***
Modern theories suggest that people find it easier to harm themselves if they objectify their own bodies as a result of familial or cultural pressure. The disconnection from their bodies, which they may feel only represents their failings, allows them to punish their bodies without believing they are injuring themselves.
***
Yes, please, introduce my younger sister first
Being your afterthought is no surprise
Talk of her passions and plans
As she twirls her perfectly curled ponytail
Oh, where’s your other daughter?
She’s over there by the food table
The one with the glasses
No, the other one
The big one
Yes, now they see me
Oversize shirt
Baggy shorts
Flipflops
Didn’t I get the memo this was a fancy party?
Don’t worry
Later, when I grab my lighter
And incense stick
I’ll only burn the thing you hate the most
My stomach
So one day
When I’m thin like her
I can still show off
My unscarred thighs
***
If you suspect a student has self-harmed, remain calm. Discretely text their counselor to report the crude bandage or fresh wounds. Next, text the school nurse to see if they are free to casually come to your classroom and check out the student’s arms/legs. Ask the student if they are okay and if they want to talk to you about anything. Some will say no. Some will tell you everything. Some will write it down. All of it. You should turn that paper over to the counselor. Usually, the counselor will keep the journal entry, but you will remember what they wrote. Always.
*Name has been changed.
